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Today's Devotion

Building Self-Esteem in Children

Most parents are looking for practical understandings and suggestions about parenting. Even those without young children can benefit from a better grasp of this most basic relationship; we are all, at least, children of the Lord.

The Bible explains over and over the essential patterns God has established in the making and the redeeming of the world. These patterns are woven into the fabric of creation, and they have two source points. Firstly, they are born out of who and what God is; they manifest His character and His essence. Secondly, they are designed to do us good; they exist to benefit us. Nothing about them is arbitrary or diminishing. Parenting, then, like all other aspects of living, is most effective when it lines up with the God-ordained patterns revealed in the Bible.

Today I would like to suggest three practical ways to build chil­dren’s sense of personal worth:

What We Do to Them:

This boils down to what we do with our hands and what we do with our time. Children base their sense of their own value on what happens to them. If they are struck or used unrighteously, they translate that abuse into a price tag on their being. The focus of their soul shifts from their inner self to the external pain of the bruise or to the places where they were touched. Conversely, when parents appropriately touch their child’s fore­head, shoulder, hair, or other areas that have no sexual significance, children receive value rather than having it taken from then.

Time with kids has no substitute. Children intui­tively stack themselves up against all the other elements in their parents’ schedule. They can tell whether they are simply another hassle in their parents’ life or whether all the other things are necessary distractions the parents gladly fight through to get to their kids.

What We Say to Them:

This has to do not only with the actual words parents use but also with their tone of voice. Children have no built-in vocabulary to describe themselves; they learn from parents what words to associate with themselves: handsome, helpful, amazing or stupid, bad, bothersome. Parents’ words are strongly prophetic; they can actually shape a child’s image (both inside and out).

When children hear the sound of affection and delight coming from their parents, they can absorb all the com­pliments without any embarrassment. Since kids feel no need to turn aside positive comments from their folks, those statements about them are able to filter into their self-worth. What parents say is true of their kids acts as a measuring stick by which those children come to evaluate future comments about them.

What We Say about Them:

It’s tragic the way some parents will use what they say about their kids to get a laugh. They ridicule their chil­dren in front of other people or to other people in front of their kids. The trauma of being mocked has an equally powerful counterpart: the delight of being praised by parents in other people’s hearing.

To a child, what a parent speaks in public either reinforces private praise or makes it a lie. Beyond this, I believe what parents say when the child is not around to.hear may be more significant. Even if you don’t believe that statements, parents make about their children affect those children unknowingly (and I do), you will acknowledge that par­ents say what they really think when the child is not present. Attitudes are powerful. Getting in the habit of speaking well of your kids will do lots towards building their self-esteem.

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Daniel's Travel Blog

Germany: 2010, Day 13

When traveling on a long trip like this, I find it very difficult to keep track of which day it is—and almost impossible to keep the date straight. That sounds silly, in one way, because I write a journal most days and include the day and date! Somehow, those administrative details (changing the day/date on the document) never translate to my waking, walking hours. Consequently, we almost missed Lorrel’s birthday! Pamela and I planned to call her from Germany on Sunday evening, figuring we’d catch her in the afternoon of her B-day. To set that up, I texted her Saturday evening—the day before her birthday (or so I thought).

She texted me back almost immediately, informing me that it was her birthday, and she was having tons of fun with friends in Baltimore. We all got quite a kick out of that, and it was fun to actually connect with her Sunday evening on the day after her birthday! Oh how we love our family…

Speaking of which, we’ve had lots of family news this week (I’ve waited a couple days to make sure not to spoil the surprise for anyone). My youngest son, Evan, proposed to my secretary, Lindsay (she accepted), so sometime this July, our family will get a bit bigger with the addition of another daughter-in-law. We’re all very, very excited and happy. It’s their story to tell, but I’ll just say Evan went to elaborate lengths and set up quite a production of travel, lies, decoration and orchestration to bend the knee. Our family seems drawn to the dramatic, and Lindsay is more than happy to join the circus…

SUNDAY SERVICE

Rudolf, my interpreter for the morning, picked me up at the hotel, and we walked five minutes to the church. It’s pastored by Jochen Geiselhart, the vice-president of Foursquare Germany. He’s actually the one who set up my whole itinerary after we met in Switzerland last year, so it was nice to reconnect with the man who helped make the trip a reality. He was busy with worship practice when we arrived, so Rudolf asked if he and I could “go over” my message to give him a feel for the translation. This was his first time translating a speaker—and especially a religious speaker. Being new to the Lord, he did NOT know any specialized Christian words.

“No problem,” I told him. “I avoid those words myself.”

That seemed to put him at ease. He did very well translating me—and he told me afterwards that he enjoyed all the moving and acting and gesturing he had to do to match my antics. The service itself was a pleasant blend of songs, scripture reading and prayer by members of the congregation, as well as safe-feeling leadership by Jochen. People felt safe and welcomed by his leadership, and though I couldn’t understand what he was saying/praying, the tone of everything was welcoming and encouraging.

After service I had several delightful conversations. I was a bit worried before because the church meets in (and has historically been part of) a complex of buildings that constitute a home for the elderly. Some years ago, a Christian group started the elder-care ministry, and Jochen’s initial connection with the group was many years ago when he worked for the ministry in its administration. I had visions of a church service for grannies, and though I’m a grandpa myself, I’ve never been as effective with old people as with younger ones. But things turned out great; the church has been focused on the larger community of Baden-Baden for several years, and it isn’t really that populated by the people in the rest home complex.

Following church—and all the things pastors need to do to extricate themselves from the premises—Jochen, Bridgette and I went to lunch. We talked for a few hours about their church, Foursquare Germany, Foursquare Europe and Foursquare US. I find so much pleasure in speaking with men and women who also want to make a difference for the Kingdom. What could be better in a rustic, old café tucked away off the cobble-stone streets of a village in southern Germany?

• › Continue reading Daniel's current travel journal
• › Read entries from any of his previous trips

25th Anniversary Celebration

The Coastlands

In December 1984, Daniel and Pamela Brown pioneered The Coastlands. Twenty-five years later, they share their hearts and stories about the early days and their philosophy of ministry at this anniversary celebration.

• › Watch or listen to the entire Celebration


• › To view the final 10 teachings Daniel taught as Senior Pastor at The Coastlands, click here and select "Final Frames"